November 7th, 2009 – wheeling and dealing

Even with the drama from Friday night, Jayde still was negotiating her curfew time Saturday afternoon.

She wears me out. I suppose she knows that, which is why she tries in the first place.

 

 

November 6th, 2009 – where is a bar of soap when you need one?

Tonight was an eventful one.

Jayde was full of attitude and anger when I got home – always my favorite combination after a long day at work.  This time, it was all about the boyfriend. Doesnt understand why she has to give me plans. DOesnt understand why she has to be home so early. Doesnt understand why we keep treating her like a child. (If it walks like a duck…)

Every Saturday, Jayde has been spending the day with her boyfriend and each week, her time out for the day gets longer and longer. Call me crazy but when you dont have a job, dont get good grades, forget to do your chores and are rude to everyone around you – Im thinking you shouldnt be given easy street to everything you want. But thats just my crazy theory.

Tonight when I told Jayde I wanted her home around 6pm on Saturday, she flipped that switch. That one that I can actually hear clicking and the motor revving up in her soul. where she is oh so ready to let loose. Now, the 6pm curfew wasnt set in stone and I by no means wasnt prepared to negotiate. If she had just talked to me in a rational manner, giving me a decent reason why she needed to stay out later, I would have been fine with that. Instead, she embarks on a crazy tirade of anger, insults and stupid comments – all of which shut down my desire to discuss anything with her and promptly encouraged me to piss her off even more.

Not a great combination.

So after 10 minutes of the usual comments of “when I turn 18!” and the “Im so sick of being treated like a child!”, she stomped her way upstairs and I didnt see her the rest of the night.

This is what I hear when we have moments like that:

“Dear Mom, thanks for letting me walk all over you and treat you with the utmost disrespect. I only want adult privileges but no adult responsibility and by not understanding that, you are the meanest Mom on the planet and thus the reason I dont want to grow up. If you let me have my way, I will be rational and kind again and maybe even give you a hug once in awhile. Love you (conditionally), Jayde.”

Fun stuff.

 

November 5th, 2009

Jayde was working on homework (!) when I got home from the gym. Something about getting a bad grade on a paper and having to write it again. Bummer, welcome to consequence.

I picked up QDoba on the way home and she left hers on the counter until it was so mushified that it wasnt even edible. Duh. Free dinner, spoiled.

This week, college has been on my mind and her lack of interest in it – or really any adult type responsibilites. The CEO of my company gave me the personal cell phone number for his daughter, who just happens to be an admissions counselor at the college Jayde has shown the most interest in. I thought it would be a great networking person for her to contact – someone who may give her a little personal attention, just for the fact that I work for her father.

Jayde showed no excitement or interest in calling. Her total lack of regard for the impending future is driving me completely batty. She has no desire to grown up at all – she is perfectly happy spending her spare time reading, sleeping and texting with her boyfriend (when she isnt finding reasons and time to BE with the boyfriend). I just look at her and am amazed at the total lack of motivation to grow up.

I am more than concerned but also resigned to the fact that she is Jayde and she will do exactly what she pleases. I just hope she understands that I wont always be there for save her ass when she fails.

 

November 4th, 2009 – quiet evening

Jayde was home on the couch when I got home from my hair appointment.

I was reading over my posts for the last few months since starting this blog and Ive noticed that there are a lot of down days where nothing exciting or dramatic or crazy is going on. I started thinking about why that is and realized that in our life, there is no absence of all that – it just doesnt seem to parallel these blog posts. I started this blog with the intention of highlighting the challenges, the emotions and the failures and triumphs of this last year for my daughter. In some posts, that is eveident – in others, well, they are a bit boring.

My new goal is to really dig a bit deeper into my feelings about Jayde growing up and what we face daily with her – and believe me, we face a lot.

Today, college is on my mind.

Jayde sparked an interest in culinary arts about a year ago and she really was into classes offered at school and college programs all over the US. Frankly, we were pretty excited about this because its the first real direction she has shown in her high school years.  To be honest, I never saw her as much of a cook but she does have a very strong creative streak and that can be useful in becoming a chef. Over the last few months, Ive seen her interest waiver, like she was interested because it was new and now, the novelty has worn off a bit.  In addition to that, she also has that stubborn streak to contend with – as she objects to having to make a decision right now.

She is 17 and truly has no idea what she wants to do with her life.

I have encouraged her to go to college, only if for the experience and the independence that is required in going away to school. I am not one to think that having a college degree is a guarantee of a full and successful life. Many successful people I know dont have degrees, some didnt even finish high school. I chose to go when I was 27 and it took me a decade to get that BA degree. I got all the work and none of the social fun. Not the way a recommend doing it.

So a local college has been calling a lot to check on her admission intentions. This is the same college where she attended culinary camp back in June. Its a good fit really – local, affordable, no strict admission requirements and she is familiar with the school. She wont call them back, doesnt want to commit to a school just yet and isnt sure what program she wants to get into anyway.

I am concerned about her motivation in life. She has no desire to work, no desire to learn to drive and no desire to go to college. I know that a lot of teenagers dont exactly have their lives mapped out right away but most at least have a general idea of where they want to be. Its conflicting really, because she voices her desire to be on her own and to have a family and a home and a husband but yet, she shows no sign of motivation or planning to get there.

I know in my heart that Dakotah wil do interesting and fun things in her life. I just hope that she gets her feet planted early and starts the planning necessary to follow her dreams.

 

November 3rd, 2009 – dinner again

Once again, we had dinner with family.

While Jayde gets irritated with these frequent and sometimes louad gatherings, she sure does carry herself well while she is there. Five years ago was a girl who sulked outside or fell asleep in a spare room during these dinners. Now we see an animated, interested, engaged girl who appears to enjoy being arounf her family and listening to the conversations and stories of the night.

I love that about her.

 

November 2nd, 2009 – Quiet evening.

Tonight was quiet. No drama, no plans, nothing.

I always enjoy the quiet before the storm.

 

November 1st, 2009 – dinner of generations

Today we spent the morning cleaning up the house – well I cleaned and Jayde complained about cleaning her room.

In the evening, we visited my parents house since some extended family from out of state were passing through on their way to FL. Mom made a huge dinner and Jayde spent most of the 45 degree evening wrapped up in the hammock out back with her boyfriend.

It was kind of cute. Ahhh to be that young and mad about each other. I think this relationship is the first one to resemble anything like a normal functioning relationship. Good for her. More to come I hope.

On a side note.. while at my parents my mother was talking to me about a family vacation to Maine in August 2010 and was looking at a calendar to see if I would be able to go. My profession doesnt allow for much vacation time during the first week of any month, so we were looking to see if it were possible for me to go. It was during this conversation, while I stressed about school starting around the same time as the vacation, that my Mom reminded me I wouldnt need to worry about school start dates next year. Since Jayde is a senior this year, next August wont have a “first week of school” that I will have to worry about.

I really had to take a moment of silence on that one.

 

October 31st, 2009 – Happy Halloween

The day was rainy and dreary to start, so there was a lot of napping and lazing around today.

In the evening, we all went over to my parents house to have snacks and drinks and to watch all the kiddies in their costumes trick or treat.

Jayde amazes me at how fast she can come up with a costume. WIthin 15 minutes, she had come up with a Geisha costume just by the random clothes in her closet. I suppose it helps that she loves all things Japanese.  ALl that was missing was a black wig, as Jaydes golden locks of blonde didnt really cut it!

She was great tonight though – she has always had a natural, calm demeanor with children of all ages. She just knows how to relate to them. I hope she has 3 or 4 when she is older and married.I believe she will be a fantastic Mom. So tonight, she passed out candy and fussed over the kids in the neighborhood.

Gosh, you know you are old when your baby decides to hand out candy instead of trick or treating. Wow.

 

October 30th, 2009 – A party that wasnt

The final appointment with the allergist was this morning and apparently Jayde was allergic to more than we thought. She had 5 spots on her back which had a reaction and one of them very badly – like her feet. We recevied the token RED folder with all the important documentation and lists of safe items to use. She will not have to memorize everything in there, which should be find with words that resemble something like mesothialaminaphyne. Fun.

On another note, tomorrow is Halloween and all week long Jayde has been pestering me about attending a Halloween party with her boyfriend, in the city near our town, at a friend of a friends house. My answer has been clear all week – I want details or you arent going. That has been met with a ton of resistance from her all week, a bunch of attitude and a bit of sulking. Today came and went without much discussion of it. Apparently the way to weed out a shady situation is to ask for more details than necessary. That seemed to deter her pretty quickly.

 

October 29th, 2009 – no appointments!

I cant recall what we did today, I think we just wanted a day without doctors appointments so we went and stuffed our faces with Mexican food. Yum.