February 7th, 2010 – a first tax return

Sundays in our house are usually about cleaning.

Jayde chooses to clean only once a week and by then, its an all day event. I also do my deepest cleaning on Sunday, including bathrooms and laundry and floors. Today was no exception, we spent the better part of the day cleaning something.

The only difference was that Jayde and I sat and completed her very first tax return. It was kind of neat to sit and go through the process on Turbotax with her – explaning what a W-2 is, showing her the taxes she paid for the year, understanding that there are state and federal returns in only certain states etc. Her generation is extremely comfortable on a computer and using the internet, so guiding her through the website was pretty easy. Coupled with the fact she would only file a 1040 EZ, it was a pretty simple process. In all, I thought it was a great learning experience.

While Im on the subject, I have to say this – there are many things we try to teach our children as they grow. We want them to do well in school, clean their room, participate in team sports. We hope that they have good manners, chew with their mouths closed and treat elders with respect.  We keep them from rated R movies, profanity and nudity and bad influences. We try to follow all the basic rules of parenting, just as they are written from a manual someone found a billion years ago.

I suppose Ive taken a different, altered approach. While Ive expected good manners and the like from Jayde, I have also been diligent in teaching her things that she wont learn in school. Things that will truly affect her in life as an adult – which is where she will live most of her years anyway. Ive shown her how to fill out a check, how to call and order pizza, how to use a debit and credit card, what a credit report is. She knows how to pump gas, visits all the important medical/dental/female physicians annually and can work her way around a kitchen pretty effectively.

Those are the things I have given the most weight in the most recent years of her upbringing. I think they will be more valuable than a random class in high school on World History.

 

February 6th, 2010 – debit cards

You know your child is growing up when you can send her to the grocery store with your debit card to buy flour and an ice cream cake.

How easy it was to get more flour when I ran out! My how easy so many things would be if she had a car! She could drop off the water bill! She could run through the car wash! She could go pick up dinner!

Today was cold and dreary (like it has been for a damn month) and we stayed home all day. I had no desire to leave and all I did was clean and bake cookies. Jayde and B went to the grocery store for me and we watched movies into the night.

LAZY.

 

February 5th, 2010 – Friday!

I worked late tonight and when I got home, Jayde was relaxing in her room. Actually, I think she was sleeping.

Unfortunately, she ignored my note I left earlier in the morning so I was none to happy about that. I yelled for her to come downstairs, reamed her for a few minutes for ignoring my note and then made her finish all the things she missed on the list – which was everything.

Normally, I dont get too bent out of shape when she doesnt get her chores done. Maybe I should but in the end, she always gets them done.  This time however, her chores were conditions of some money I gave her for the concert Monday night.

I was pretty mad she hadnt gotten them done and told her it would be last time I did her a favor like that again.

I dont think she really cared to be honest.

 

February 4th, 2010 – midnight chick flick.

There is a scene that has always stuck with me from the movie Stepmom.

The biological mother dying of cancer takes her preteen daughter for a middle of the night horseback ride, on a snowy and cold school night. Its a moment where a parent forgets about those weekday rules and routines and takes her child somewhere to enjoy a moment, a time that will be remembered by the child forever, I’ve always wanted to find something like that to do with Jayde but never could come up with anything and I sure didnt want to wait until I was dying of some terminal disease.

Tonight, Jayde and I went to a midnight movie to see the opening of Dear John.

So many things about this evening were awesome: Neither of us had ever been to a midnight movie. Dear John is based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks, an author we both love and it was a school/work night and we were up LATE.

It was a night where I felt like, for once, I was cavalier about the rules and norms of the week and we just did what we wanted to. We didnt get home until 2:30am and yes, we were both exhausted. The theater was packed and the movie was average.

But in all the movies that Jayde and I have gone to see over the last decade, I guarantee this one will stand out in the top three.

Not only is she a really cool kid to hang out with but we laughed and cried in this movie like friends. My role as Mother is most important but its nice, as she gets older, when we can take the battles down for a bit and just exist together.

 

February 3rd, 2010 – Hump day

I was late getting home tonight but Jayde was in the living room when  arrived.

We went out for dinner and though she didnt say much, I beamed at the way she read her book. A teenager. In a public restaurant.

Her love of reading and the written word is one of my very favorite things about her.

 

February 2nd, 2010 – a note, an email and an angry mother.

A few days ago, Jayde was logged into her FB account on my Macbook. Normally I don’t pay any attention to it, as we are not friends on FB and that is intentional. While her page was up I noticed a “note” she posted on there, so I read it. My thought is, you leave it up on my laptop then its fair game.

After I read it, I wish I hadnt.

While it wasnt anything horrible, it was a bit hurtful. Jayde was venting (whining, really) about her future and the family in her life that was pressuring her to follow certain paths or consider certain options.

Pressuring? Puhlease.

Giving advice, options and information is NOT pressure. For a teenager that has had no real responsibility or expectations her whole life (and I take full blame for that), there are no pressures to follow any preconceived expectations or paths. She doesnt really have any. This is fine, its her choice to have things flow that way. But to post a note for all the FB people to see that blames her family for their opinions and suggestions?

I just couldnt remain silent. I didnt yell. I didnt post a comment on FB. I didnt cry.

I just responded.

While I wont post the entire email I sent her, here is an excerpt:

I have said before that I have always expected great things from you. Do you even really know what that means? When I’ve said that, its meant that I know you have the potential to be great in your life. Your problem is that your definition of great must seem to be comprised of someone discovering a cure for cancer or becoming a world famous chef. But for me, great is everywhere and in every lifestyle, every income level and every ethnic background. Greatness is being a great Mom or a great friend or a great wife. People can be a great manager at a fast food restaurant or a great teller at a bank; great owner of a bakery or a great lineman for the power company. Regardless of what people choose to do in life, their greatness is measured by the ethics and drive they have and not by their wallet size or their job title. So don’t blame me if your vision of greatness is jaded by expectations that you THINK I had for you. You let your own insecurities cloud your perception of what others think and that’s completely unfair to those of us who believe in you.

To my dismay, she only read half of the email and said it was too long to read the rest.

I had a response to that too but its too foul to put here.

 

February 1st, 2010 – case of the Mondays

Another cold day.

Jayde is plugging along in her senior year, enjoying the freedom that schools tend to give the upperclassmen and the lazy schedule she has ended up with. She never has homework but I do get the coolest pictures from her cooking tech school class that usually involve some kind of dessert.

School is just a task now, a requirement legally that she thankfully, is fulfilling. I don’t know what is in store for her after she graduates.

We talk a bit about college and jobs and plans for her relationship but its never anything ground breaking. Most of the conversations are comprised of her making it clear that she doesn’t have plans yet and that its intentional to be so. She makes it very clear that her lack of decisions are in fact, decisions.

It makes my head hurt talking to her sometimes.

Tonight she got home late from a concert in the city. She and B went and apparently they had a blast.

I just want to emphasize the fact that I am a cool mother. My parents never bought me tickets to a rock concert during high school.

 

January 30th – 31st 2010, lazy weekend.

Are we ever going to see the sunshine again?

Jayde hasnt been spending much time downstairs in the last week or two. Im not sure why. Sometimes she gets into these introverted and private moods. it can be boy troubles, friend drama or sometimes just a basic need for privacy.

She has been getting increasingly defensive about her plans after high school and any lectures/discussions that we have about it. Bottom line, I think she is just scared. She is afraid of the future and the responsibility and she is just afraid to tell me. I dont blame her there.

I dont have any concerns that her isolation is anything major but I do miss her when she is up there. Granted, Ive been away from home a lot in the evenings so maybe she is just lonely or enjoying the space.

I think its this damn weather making us all comatose.

 

January 27th-29th 2010 – a somber, crappy weather rest of the week.

The week was anything but sunny. Our winter this year has been cold and harsh, with temperatures brisk and chilly. The skies have been a solid color of gray for weeks it seems and there appears to be no end in sight.

Because of this, the house lacks motivation to do anything fun. Jayde is no exception to this. She is the epitome of laziness.

I cant say I am any better.

Aside from the normal work week grind – workouts, ordering pizza and errands – nothing productive was on our agendas.

I think we are all sick of winter and eagerly awaiting spring.

 

January 26th, 2010 – brrrr

The weather around here has become increasingly cold for this time of year. Where we live does have definitive seasons but we usually dont get temperatures this low. In light of this, we all seem to bein hibernation.

Jayde is snuggled up on the couch most afternoons/evenings when I get home. This makes me wonder a few things…

Why does she not have a job?

Why does she not have a license?

When will she get some motivation to do either of these things? She IS 17 years old and by now, I would expect a bit more action on her part.

Ugh.